The biggest lie one can say is to answer "I'm fine! How about you?" as a reply to the "How are you?" question. The latter being the most disinterested questions the humankind could ever produce. No one actually gives a rat's ass about how you are! Now, there might be friends who are actually interested for the sake of gossiping or for the great feeling of "Ha! I am much better than this guy/gal!".
Also if they know that you have been much better than them, even if they ask the dreadful question of "How are you?" they will make sure that they will change the subject so they will get to talk about themselves.
People LOVE to talk about themselves. Give them the opportunity and you will get to see the deepest they have. When the conversation ends up to the same topic again and again, you kindda know what is that person main concern.
Also, I find it hypocrisy to contact someone and start with "How are you?" and asking them about all the things you are really not interested in just to end up asking for a favour. I think it would save a lot of time if you just say what you want to say. Why feel bad for having a life and don't have time to keep in touch when it comes to asking favours? Of course it is not nice to not contact a person for 2 years and then ask for a job recommendation, but hey... it can happen. We are human after all (perfect excuse to do things halfway or not do them at all, right?).
So... why ask questions like "How have you been?" or "How are you?" when you are not really interested in that? And why lie that you are fine when you do not want to hear the more dreadful question of "Why? What happened?". Oh yes, is much more convenient to lie about being fine than to actually have to explain yourself to someone or to just pour your soul out. But still... why? Why not start telling them a LONG story about how have you been lately? (sometimes I do that just for the fun of hearing them trying to stop me. Yes, I know. Is mean).
Why lie to make others feel we are good when our worlds crumble? Why can't we just admit we are not perfect and our lives might not be perfect? Why do we have to pretend to be the best for others? What are the gains??
Random Thoughts
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Happy people
What is happiness?
I was just looking through some pictures, memories of the past months and there was this folder with pictures from a birthday party. I don't remember having the greatest time of my life. I had to take my camera; that basically made me the unofficial photographer of the whole thing. So... I took pictures around. In the people pictures, you could see only happy people. And in 2 pictures, you could see me. Trying to be funny and happy.
Looking now back to everything, and remembering how things went, I remember that the whole thing was rather lame. But someone who was not there would think that everyone was happy. And... who knows how the other people there felt? If they were happy or just felt obliged to come.
Yesterday I wanted to clean up some old things. Put on an old tape in the CD-player (yes, a tape) and I started with my games since I was a child. I remembered playing with my sister. I remember thinking of those times as happy times. But when I was living those things, I could not realize that later I will miss them so much. I was happy then. But I only realize it now.
What really is happiness? And how can we just grab it and never let it go? Is it in the small things? Is it in accomplishments everyone should compliment us about? Or is it just a state of mind? What is the secret of all those happy people from the pictures?
I was just looking through some pictures, memories of the past months and there was this folder with pictures from a birthday party. I don't remember having the greatest time of my life. I had to take my camera; that basically made me the unofficial photographer of the whole thing. So... I took pictures around. In the people pictures, you could see only happy people. And in 2 pictures, you could see me. Trying to be funny and happy.
Looking now back to everything, and remembering how things went, I remember that the whole thing was rather lame. But someone who was not there would think that everyone was happy. And... who knows how the other people there felt? If they were happy or just felt obliged to come.
Yesterday I wanted to clean up some old things. Put on an old tape in the CD-player (yes, a tape) and I started with my games since I was a child. I remembered playing with my sister. I remember thinking of those times as happy times. But when I was living those things, I could not realize that later I will miss them so much. I was happy then. But I only realize it now.
What really is happiness? And how can we just grab it and never let it go? Is it in the small things? Is it in accomplishments everyone should compliment us about? Or is it just a state of mind? What is the secret of all those happy people from the pictures?
Monday, July 18, 2011
The power of a "thank you"
Have you ever noticed when the people around you (shop assistants or waiters) are upset or tired about something? Have you ever just gone to them and told them a sincere "Thank you!"?
I noticed that people do not seem to care about anyone around them. How many times have we said "I don't care, he/she should have just done his job correctly!" not caring if he/she had a problem or someone said something mean during a vulnerability moment. I... did that. I cannot pretend that now I am the most observant person in the world, but when I do see the worry or sadness or just a bad mood, I just remind them that their work is valued. Is not so hard, just a smile and a "Thank you" is enough to make someone feel better and appreciated.
Been with the girls in a club recently, to celebrate a bachelorette. There was a girl that had to clean the table. She came at our table and was very upset or (I assume) in a bad mood from some personal reasons. All around, people had come to have fun, to drink, dance and do stupid things. She was working there. In that mess. And she was not feeling that good. Maybe I am wrong. She came around 3-4 times to change the ash trays and to take the bottles or cans. One time, I just slightly touched her hand and yelled in her ear (otherwise, she wouldn't have heard because of the music): "Thank you very much!". She did not reply but she showed me a lovely smile. Too bad it was a tired smile. So... she was tired and she felt she was dealing with a mess. Which was not far from the truth.
Earlier than evening, we were at a pizza place. My sister's pizza got mixed up with someone else's, who already started eating it. My sister was very pissed at the waitress because of that. She felt embarrassed by that girl's mistake. We (a friend of ours and I) tried to calm her down, but my sister was too stubborn. There could have been a lot of reasons for the misunderstanding (we were 15 persons at the table, each with something different and there were ladies who did not even recall what was their bloody order), but my sister tried by all means to speak in an ugly manner to the waitress and to make her feel as bad as she did. Was it worth it? The fact that my sister got upset and that she wanted to make the waitress "pay" for her mistake?
Two days later, I had to go to the wedding. We had a very very very good music. Well, at least, I personally enjoyed it tremendously. The D.J. even played "Next door to Alice" :-). At the end, on our way out, we were passing by the D.J.. So, I just yelled to him (again, the speakers were loud and otherwise he wouldn't have heard me): "Thank you for a superb music!". He smiled slightly embarrassed and mumbled something which I did not hear. I assume her felt better when hearing that his work actually impressed someone. Is important, isn't it? It makes people feel better and is not taking a lot of effort.
I was in Denmark, at a shop buying some food, and at the counter, the shop assistant was obvious dead tired. I thought she was not feeling well, so after I took my groceries I asked her if she is OK. She said she was just very tired and that she will be alright. So I left. I just wished I knew how to make her feel a bit better.
Is not hard to just make someone feel good about their work, is it? Why people cannot forget for some time to be selfish and egocentric? Why can't we see the others because of our selfishness? Because "It's their duty and they should not make mistakes!!" applies to us as well, right? But we quickly try to give some excuses to our mistakes or simply we just say "I don't care!".
Why is it so easy to blame others for the things we find it so hard to blame ourselves?
I noticed that people do not seem to care about anyone around them. How many times have we said "I don't care, he/she should have just done his job correctly!" not caring if he/she had a problem or someone said something mean during a vulnerability moment. I... did that. I cannot pretend that now I am the most observant person in the world, but when I do see the worry or sadness or just a bad mood, I just remind them that their work is valued. Is not so hard, just a smile and a "Thank you" is enough to make someone feel better and appreciated.
Been with the girls in a club recently, to celebrate a bachelorette. There was a girl that had to clean the table. She came at our table and was very upset or (I assume) in a bad mood from some personal reasons. All around, people had come to have fun, to drink, dance and do stupid things. She was working there. In that mess. And she was not feeling that good. Maybe I am wrong. She came around 3-4 times to change the ash trays and to take the bottles or cans. One time, I just slightly touched her hand and yelled in her ear (otherwise, she wouldn't have heard because of the music): "Thank you very much!". She did not reply but she showed me a lovely smile. Too bad it was a tired smile. So... she was tired and she felt she was dealing with a mess. Which was not far from the truth.
Earlier than evening, we were at a pizza place. My sister's pizza got mixed up with someone else's, who already started eating it. My sister was very pissed at the waitress because of that. She felt embarrassed by that girl's mistake. We (a friend of ours and I) tried to calm her down, but my sister was too stubborn. There could have been a lot of reasons for the misunderstanding (we were 15 persons at the table, each with something different and there were ladies who did not even recall what was their bloody order), but my sister tried by all means to speak in an ugly manner to the waitress and to make her feel as bad as she did. Was it worth it? The fact that my sister got upset and that she wanted to make the waitress "pay" for her mistake?
Two days later, I had to go to the wedding. We had a very very very good music. Well, at least, I personally enjoyed it tremendously. The D.J. even played "Next door to Alice" :-). At the end, on our way out, we were passing by the D.J.. So, I just yelled to him (again, the speakers were loud and otherwise he wouldn't have heard me): "Thank you for a superb music!". He smiled slightly embarrassed and mumbled something which I did not hear. I assume her felt better when hearing that his work actually impressed someone. Is important, isn't it? It makes people feel better and is not taking a lot of effort.
I was in Denmark, at a shop buying some food, and at the counter, the shop assistant was obvious dead tired. I thought she was not feeling well, so after I took my groceries I asked her if she is OK. She said she was just very tired and that she will be alright. So I left. I just wished I knew how to make her feel a bit better.
Is not hard to just make someone feel good about their work, is it? Why people cannot forget for some time to be selfish and egocentric? Why can't we see the others because of our selfishness? Because "It's their duty and they should not make mistakes!!" applies to us as well, right? But we quickly try to give some excuses to our mistakes or simply we just say "I don't care!".
Why is it so easy to blame others for the things we find it so hard to blame ourselves?
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Severing the bonds
Living in a total different country and coming back to what was my world, before knowing the outside world, made me think of bonds. Of course every one of us has bonds: friends, family, acquaintances, teachers, colleagues and so on. But... how easy to break are these bonds?
Teachers and acquaintances are easy to leave behind. We do it very fast and seldom the feeling we have is actually sorrow. About the acquaintances, is that you meet them, enjoy (or not) being in their presence, and then life throws you on different paths, so you might as well never meet them ever again. And there are those teachers/professors that touch our lives in a more vivid way. We will always remember them, be it for them being very good, or very bad, or very smart and so on. There are also the ones we keep in touch with. Those are the best. I mean... Imagine... a professor wants to keep in touch with his/her students! There is a nice feeling about these persons. You have the feeling that you actually made a difference, compared with the other students they will not keep in touch with. Is hard to feel special for someone. Isn't it?
Colleagues... There are those persons who you do not really want to meet outside the workplace/school. You are just not on the same wavelength. There is nothing else to talk about but school or teachers, and when those subjects run out, you are just left with a dumb smile on your face and ask, rather embarrassed, "so... how have you been lately?". I have a friend that was great to talk to at the company, but outside the office was difficult to talk to. Why? Well... I have noticed this: there are two types of persons (this regards only the persons that are able to use the internet): the ones you can talk to on the internet and have a great conversation, while in the real life you do not know how to deal with them; and then there are those with whom is very difficult to talk over the internet, while in real life you have a great chemistry with.
Yes, social media over the internet can be very useful to keep in touch. But what do you do when the persons you cannot talk to over the internet are close friends or family? The ones that you really really miss and are eager to hear from?
Concerning friends and family... While you are away you will find out who is really your friend and who is just curious/jealous about what you do. In the beginning it feels like severing these bonds is frickin' difficult. You have this sorrowful feeling about leaving, leaving them behind and you might even feel bad about their feeling of sorrow for your departure (though it might not be so bad for them as you might think...). And because you care so deeply about them, you might just end up comparing everything to the way the act/think and so on. And then you get used to being far. And when you come home you are shocked about how everything is. Maybe things changed, but you also changed and in the end you realize that going away, even for a short period of time, means severing some bonds. How badly they are severed depends on how much you and they change.
How easy is to sever such bonds?
Teachers and acquaintances are easy to leave behind. We do it very fast and seldom the feeling we have is actually sorrow. About the acquaintances, is that you meet them, enjoy (or not) being in their presence, and then life throws you on different paths, so you might as well never meet them ever again. And there are those teachers/professors that touch our lives in a more vivid way. We will always remember them, be it for them being very good, or very bad, or very smart and so on. There are also the ones we keep in touch with. Those are the best. I mean... Imagine... a professor wants to keep in touch with his/her students! There is a nice feeling about these persons. You have the feeling that you actually made a difference, compared with the other students they will not keep in touch with. Is hard to feel special for someone. Isn't it?
Colleagues... There are those persons who you do not really want to meet outside the workplace/school. You are just not on the same wavelength. There is nothing else to talk about but school or teachers, and when those subjects run out, you are just left with a dumb smile on your face and ask, rather embarrassed, "so... how have you been lately?". I have a friend that was great to talk to at the company, but outside the office was difficult to talk to. Why? Well... I have noticed this: there are two types of persons (this regards only the persons that are able to use the internet): the ones you can talk to on the internet and have a great conversation, while in the real life you do not know how to deal with them; and then there are those with whom is very difficult to talk over the internet, while in real life you have a great chemistry with.
Yes, social media over the internet can be very useful to keep in touch. But what do you do when the persons you cannot talk to over the internet are close friends or family? The ones that you really really miss and are eager to hear from?
Concerning friends and family... While you are away you will find out who is really your friend and who is just curious/jealous about what you do. In the beginning it feels like severing these bonds is frickin' difficult. You have this sorrowful feeling about leaving, leaving them behind and you might even feel bad about their feeling of sorrow for your departure (though it might not be so bad for them as you might think...). And because you care so deeply about them, you might just end up comparing everything to the way the act/think and so on. And then you get used to being far. And when you come home you are shocked about how everything is. Maybe things changed, but you also changed and in the end you realize that going away, even for a short period of time, means severing some bonds. How badly they are severed depends on how much you and they change.
How easy is to sever such bonds?
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Cleaning the closet
Yes. It's a terrible job for a woman to clean her closet. Especially when she is determined to get rid of some pieces of clothing. Apparently time does not forget us. It comes and takes our years away and our waist line with them... Which is terrible.
Personally, apart from recently throwing away a lot of clothes, I put some of them in a small bunch in the closet. That bunch holds all my hopes that one day I will fit in those X-years-old clothes again.
Cleaning the closet: troublesome or necessity?
Personally, apart from recently throwing away a lot of clothes, I put some of them in a small bunch in the closet. That bunch holds all my hopes that one day I will fit in those X-years-old clothes again.
Cleaning the closet: troublesome or necessity?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
relationships do or do not change a person
Recently I had a very interesting conversation with a good friend. After a disastrous break-up, he is finally over her and he is feeling well and strong. At least this is what I felt coming from him. But one thing which really caught my attention throughout our conversation is that he believes that after 9 months with that girl, he is not changed at all. He strongly believes that she did not influence him at all during their relationship. Apart from the awful break-up, he truly believes that nothing has changed while he was with her.
This made me think... Is it possible that after 9 months with a person (in my opinion, long enough for one to leave a print in one's life), there is absolutely nothing in one's behaviour to remind of the ex-partner? Is it possible to go through relationships without being changed by the partner whatsoever? And if this is possible, does this make you the stronger "half" that is changing the partner? How can one cope with such a responsibility?
When it comes to relationships, change or be changed - which one is the less painful and more rewarding situation?
This made me think... Is it possible that after 9 months with a person (in my opinion, long enough for one to leave a print in one's life), there is absolutely nothing in one's behaviour to remind of the ex-partner? Is it possible to go through relationships without being changed by the partner whatsoever? And if this is possible, does this make you the stronger "half" that is changing the partner? How can one cope with such a responsibility?
When it comes to relationships, change or be changed - which one is the less painful and more rewarding situation?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
graduated.
Finally graduated the masters. But... Where is the feeling of completion I really wanted and needed? Where is the satisfaction I expected? Is this how it should be?
I have noticed that over the years, the completion of an education cycle does not bring a bigger joy. Just, maybe, a release of stress or just a sigh of "It's over now. Finally". In kindergarten, we would feel like we grew up a bit and we would look down on the freshmen. After primary school we would want people to trust us more (we are not babies anymore, nor in kindergarten). After secondary school we would think we have such huge life experience we could write books. At the end of highschool we finally "begin the life" - now we really demand the people around us to believe that we are mature enough to make our own decisions. Decisions which usually lead to disappointments. After a master... what is there left?! We can make decisions, we are trustworthy, we can LIVE as we boast to everyone... But.. Is there all there is to it? Is this adulthood? Having yet another diploma?
Where does the satisfaction go and, more important, is adulthood overrated?
I have noticed that over the years, the completion of an education cycle does not bring a bigger joy. Just, maybe, a release of stress or just a sigh of "It's over now. Finally". In kindergarten, we would feel like we grew up a bit and we would look down on the freshmen. After primary school we would want people to trust us more (we are not babies anymore, nor in kindergarten). After secondary school we would think we have such huge life experience we could write books. At the end of highschool we finally "begin the life" - now we really demand the people around us to believe that we are mature enough to make our own decisions. Decisions which usually lead to disappointments. After a master... what is there left?! We can make decisions, we are trustworthy, we can LIVE as we boast to everyone... But.. Is there all there is to it? Is this adulthood? Having yet another diploma?
Where does the satisfaction go and, more important, is adulthood overrated?
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