Love starts with a lie. Every relationship starts with the words “I will never leave you. I will always be there for you. I will be there all the way”. This is a lie. A big one, for that matter. You cannot actually pretend to know that it will come down to this. Where did this all start? With some lyrics, of course. The song is like this: “So please remember that I'm gonna follow through all the way […] Oh my love, if it's all I can do, I'll take the fall 4 U”.
How can one pretend that one can follow his/her partner “all the way, come what may”? People change. We change from day to day. If you are going to follow the partner all the way, doesn’t that mean that you are going through the same changes the partner lives? Doesn’t that mean that you are living the changes he/she is living? If you are not changing along with the partner, you are just growing apart farther and farther and farther. Then and there, when you notice the gap between you and the other, you realize that is time to part ways. There is never a kind break-up. We are made in such a way that we cannot live alone. When it happens that someone that was really important in our lives disappears, there’s always a wound left… and sadness.
How can one pretend that one can follow his/her partner “all the way, come what may”? We can’t control what will happen tomorrow, how can we swear eternity in such frivol and easy way?
And there comes a time when it’s us that do not want to continue the relationship. Doesn’t that mean that what we promised went down the drain somewhere in time? How can people forget their words and promises and vows in such a manner? Why can’t we just say: “Hey, I will try to be there for you as long as I can”. Why can’t we find lower our expectations of ourselves and admit that we are humans after all? We can bring forever in the relationship, but never with words.
And there is also the idea that “taking the fall” for your loved one is actually something very romantic and shows how much love there is in the couple from, at least, one person. Really? Seriously?!
O.K., self-sacrifice was always regarded as being admirable, altruistic and courageous, but… really?? I find it very selfish. If you are in a relationship and there is an “equal” level of love from both of you, why do you want to hurt that person by leaving his/her life? Why sacrifice you? Because you are selfish. You do not want to feel that pain that your loved one has left your side forever. You want to be mourned. You don’t want to save your partner from “taking the fall”. You want to save yourself the pain of seeing him/her “taking the fall”.
Let me tell you what is admirable, romantic, altruistic and courageous. It’s being strong. Be strong so that your partner will never have to “take the fall”. Be strong so that even if life changes you, you will always know where your heart is. Be strong and make your partner strong. Be strong and admit when you are tired of being strong for him/her. Be strong enough to ask help when you need it. Be strong so that the others around you can be strong for you when you need it.
Love starts with a lie. A lie that promises “forever”. A lie said between sweet kisses and warm hugs. But a lie is a lie.
How many of us can admit that we cannot promise something we don’t have and can’t control? How many of us can be strong and not run when the partner is down? I know I am not so strong yet. But I am trying to become such a person.