Love starts with a lie…

Love starts with a lie. Every relationship starts with the words “I will never leave you. I will always be there for you. I will be there all the way”. This is a lie. A big one, for that matter. You cannot actually pretend to know that it will come down to this. Where did this all start? With some lyrics, of course. The song is like this: “So please remember that I'm gonna follow through all the way […] Oh my love, if it's all I can do, I'll take the fall 4 U”.

          How can one pretend that one can follow his/her partner “all the way, come what may”? People change. We change from day to day. If you are going to follow the partner all the way, doesn’t that mean that you are going through the same changes the partner lives? Doesn’t that mean that you are living the changes he/she is living? If you are not changing along with the partner, you are just growing apart farther and farther and farther. Then and there, when you notice the gap between you and the other, you realize that is time to part ways. There is never a kind break-up. We are made in such a way that we cannot live alone. When it happens that someone that was really important in our lives disappears, there’s always a wound left… and sadness.

          How can one pretend that one can follow his/her partner “all the way, come what may”? We can’t control what will happen tomorrow, how can we swear eternity in such frivol and easy way?

          And there comes a time when it’s us that do not want to continue the relationship. Doesn’t that mean that what we promised went down the drain somewhere in time? How can people forget their words and promises and vows in such a manner? Why can’t we just say: “Hey, I will try to be there for you as long as I can”. Why can’t we find lower our expectations of ourselves and admit that we are humans after all? We can bring forever in the relationship, but never with words.

*

          And there is also the idea that “taking the fall” for your loved one is actually something very romantic and shows how much love there is in the couple from, at least, one person. Really? Seriously?!

O.K., self-sacrifice was always regarded as being admirable, altruistic and courageous, but… really?? I find it very selfish. If you are in a relationship and there is an “equal” level of love from both of you, why do you want to hurt that person by leaving his/her life? Why sacrifice you? Because you are selfish. You do not want to feel that pain that your loved one has left your side forever. You want to be mourned. You don’t want to save your partner from “taking the fall”. You want to save yourself the pain of seeing him/her “taking the fall”.

Let me tell you what is admirable, romantic, altruistic and courageous. It’s being strong. Be strong so that your partner will never have to “take the fall”. Be strong so that even if life changes you, you will always know where your heart is. Be strong and make your partner strong. Be strong and admit when you are tired of being strong for him/her. Be strong enough to ask help when you need it. Be strong so that the others around you can be strong for you when you need it.

Love starts with a lie. A lie that promises “forever”. A lie said between sweet kisses and warm hugs. But a lie is a lie.

How many of us can admit that we cannot promise something we don’t have and can’t control? How many of us can be strong and not run when the partner is down? I know I am not so strong yet. But I am trying to become such a person.  

今なんかきぼうがない。

「遠くみつめても幸せは訪れはしない
　ただ空を見上げても、幸せは降り注ぎはしない」

今はこの風に感じます。幸せってなんだ？どこで見つかられますか？

Seijuro Hiko (Rurouni Kenshin: Trust & Betrayal)

"Murder is the only art a swordsman may practice. No ornamental words can change that. You want to protect people with murder? You'll slaughter legions so that a few may live. Many years, long before you were born, my sword was tearing asunder the lives of men. Yes, all of those men were evil, but they were human beings first and foremost, Kenshin."

Confusing times

feeling like a dandelion puff

elephant encounter

today i saw a pretty elephant. he was sitting comfortable on a girl's head.

美しい月の夜

夕べの満月はかがやいていた。

燃えるような月の輝く丘に

その真ん丸い月は見たいよ、あのスペシャル誰かといっしょうに。。。

やれ、やれ。。。

何時私の剣道は良くなるでしょうか？

some days one cannot help but ask...

why can't i be in his/her place?

you know you are tired when

you want to make a tea, turn on the stove and just go away, forgetting to put on the kettle...
or... forgetting to get it off of the stove.

What can one classify as love

People see love differently. That is a fact. For instance a few days back a friend was telling me about her child that offers her and his dad a huge love. He is engulfing them with love. But what she perceives as love is how her son gives her the best and most expensive things when they are together. 

But can one put a price tag on love? 

I believe that anyone in love wants to provide for their loved ones and they do. The degree in which they provide is highly depended on their possibilities of doing that, of course. Wanting to give the loved one the best things comes natural to many of us, but is providing equal with love? Or rather is protecting equal with love?

How do older couples feel; couples that have been gone through life for 20-30 years? What is it that has been holding them together all these years? A contract or... love?

I read in the news a few months back that the German scientists consider love a mental disease that will go away naturally after three years. If that is so, why many couples stand tall and say they are in love and will always been, when is scientifically thought that love is going to fade away quite soon? 

Shouldn't a relationship be based on respect? On trust? And on pure friendship? And just afterwards on love? Because if it would have been so, from all these four, just the love with naturally go away. People would need to work quite hard for the others to go away. 

Is it easier to "love" for those for grow (up) together?

Can you label love, such as: "I love him/her because he does this and that for me" etc? (personally, "I love him/her because he/she is handsome/beautiful" seems like a bad  joke. But hey! perhaps people also have such reasons to love.) 

But really now... Can you label love?

sometimes people want to receive just  a wee bit of kindness from strangers. if they get that drop of kindness, they will feel infinite better.

Random questions

what makes people think you are a failure?
not having a job?
not having a life partner?
not taking the decisions they would take?

Normal?

What makes people become gay? Is it the a deep hatred for the other sex? Or is it just the feeling that one cannot cope anymore with all the stress and anxiety the other sex might bring? Or is it just the fact that is easier to understand someone of your own gender than the opposite specimens?

It is being gay refusing to be "normal"? Is it running away from the problems you might face in a normal relationship? Or is it finding bigger ones? Is being gay comforting? Is it a... trend? Will being gay make you feel assured that you found the one? Will it help you find "the one"?

To compromise or not to compromise?

Life is full of compromises. Love is full of compromises. I see these compromises everywhere. People give up what they are like to please the others. Be it parents or partner, people make compromises. The amount of compromises they make depends on two things. First, how strong their character is and second how strong is the character of the ones they come in contact with.

"You dress inappropriate for your age", "You ought to lose weight", "Your hair is a mess", "Is this how you want to go out?", "How long are you going to watch TV?", "When are you going to run that errand for me?" are some of the questions people would hear from the others one time or another. Why is that if we come to suit perfectly other people's needs, we bring happiness to all the society? I mean, as long as we do not go hurting people on purpose, we should be able to live our lives the way we want. We should be able to dress the way we feel comfortable, not the way the others think we should dress. We should be able to keep all the small habits and things that make us happy.

Of course we should take into consideration other people's needs, but why is it that we have to compromise ourselves for them? I mean, as long as our habits do not hurt them, why should we please the people by giving them up and slowly becoming someone else?

Is the same in love. People change after the other's taste. . If you listen to love songs or watch romance films (or even Disney's cartoons) you will discover a lot of clichés. He loves her so much he would do anything for her. She is the perfect person in the world. They are superb looking and they do not need to change anything they do. Is it just me or this sells a false image of how a relationship is like in real life? Why they do not need to compromise anything? What happens to the people that do not have the looks? Why are they doomed to be the laughed at and to become the bad persons? Of course that in a relationship (of any kind) you have to take into consideration the other person(s), but when taking into consideration their needs ad forgetting about yours, some alarm bells are bound to start ringing.

It's time people should understand. Being constrained by the others will bring a lot of frustration. People should be able to accept the persons around them the way they are. Being yourself and being the way you want to be means being happy. When you are happy you radiate happiness to the others as well. Besides we should remember that we should not do to the others what we don't want the others do to us.

Why give up your habits for the others, when those particular habits do not hurt them? And more importantly what happened to "I love you just the way you are?"...

Biggest lie

The biggest lie one can say is to answer "I'm fine! How about you?" as a reply to the "How are you?" question. The latter being the most disinterested questions the humankind could ever produce. No one actually gives a rat's ass about how you are! Now, there might be friends who are actually interested for the sake of gossiping or for the great feeling of "Ha! I am much better than this guy/gal!". 
Also if they know that you have been much better than them, even if they ask the dreadful question of "How are you?" they will make sure that they will change the subject so they will get to talk about themselves.


People LOVE to talk about themselves. Give them the opportunity and you will get to see the deepest they have. When the conversation ends up to the same topic again and again, you kindda know what is that person main concern. 


Also, I find it hypocrisy to contact someone and start with "How are you?" and asking them about all the things you are really not interested in just to end up asking for a favour. I think it would save a lot of time if you just say what you want to say. Why feel bad for having a life and don't have time to keep in touch when it comes to asking favours? Of course it is not nice to not contact a person for 2 years and then ask for a job recommendation, but hey... it can happen. We are human after all (perfect excuse to do things halfway or not do them at all, right?). 


So... why ask questions like "How have you been?" or "How are you?" when you are not really interested in that? And why lie that you are fine when you do not want to hear the more dreadful question of "Why? What happened?". Oh yes, is much more convenient to lie about being fine than to actually have to explain yourself to someone or to just pour your soul out. But still... why? Why not start telling them a LONG story about how have you been lately? (sometimes I do that just for the fun of hearing them trying to stop me. Yes, I know. Is mean).


Why lie to make others feel we are good when our worlds crumble? Why can't we just admit we are not perfect and our lives might not be perfect? Why do we have to pretend to be the best for others? What are the gains??

Happy people

What is happiness?

I was just looking through some pictures, memories of the past months and there was this folder with pictures from a birthday party. I don't remember having the greatest time of my life. I had to take my camera; that basically made me the unofficial photographer of the whole thing. So... I took pictures around. In the people pictures, you could see only happy people. And in 2 pictures, you could see me. Trying to be funny and happy.
Looking now back to everything, and remembering how things went, I remember that the whole thing was rather lame. But someone who was not there would think that everyone was happy. And... who knows how the other people there felt? If they were happy or just felt obliged to come.

Yesterday I wanted to clean up some old things. Put on an old tape in the CD-player (yes, a tape) and I started with my games since I was a child. I remembered playing with my sister. I remember thinking of those times as happy times. But when I was living those things, I could not realize that later I will miss them so much. I was happy then. But I only realize it now.

What really is happiness? And how can we just grab it and never let it go? Is it in the small things? Is it in accomplishments everyone should compliment us about? Or is it just a state of mind? What is the secret of all those happy people from the pictures?

The power of a "thank you"

Have you ever noticed when the people around you (shop assistants or waiters) are upset or tired about something? Have you ever just gone to them and told them a sincere "Thank you!"?

I noticed that people do not seem to care about anyone around them. How many times have we said "I don't care, he/she should have just done his job correctly!" not caring if he/she had a problem or someone said something mean during a vulnerability moment. I... did that. I cannot pretend that now I am the most observant person in the world, but when I do see the worry or sadness or just a bad mood, I just remind them that their work is valued. Is not so hard, just a smile and a "Thank you" is enough to make someone feel better and appreciated.


Been with the girls in a club recently, to celebrate a bachelorette. There was a girl that had to clean the table. She came at our table and was very upset or (I assume) in a bad mood from some personal reasons. All around, people had come to have fun, to drink, dance and do stupid things. She was working there. In that mess. And she was not feeling that good. Maybe I am wrong. She came around 3-4 times to change the ash trays and to take the bottles or cans. One time, I just slightly touched her hand and yelled in her ear (otherwise, she wouldn't have heard because of the music): "Thank you very much!". She did not reply but she showed me a lovely smile. Too bad it was a tired smile. So... she was tired and she felt she was dealing with a mess. Which was not far from the truth.

Earlier than evening, we were at a pizza place. My sister's pizza got mixed up with someone else's, who already started eating it. My sister was very pissed at the waitress because of that. She felt embarrassed by that girl's mistake. We (a friend of ours and I) tried to calm her down, but my sister was too stubborn. There could have been a lot of reasons for the misunderstanding (we were 15 persons at the table, each with something different and there were ladies who did not even recall what was their bloody order), but my sister tried by all means to speak in an ugly manner to the waitress and to make her feel as bad as she did. Was it worth it? The fact that my sister got upset and that she wanted to make the waitress "pay" for her mistake?

Two days later, I had to go to the wedding. We had a very very very good music. Well, at least, I personally enjoyed it tremendously. The D.J. even played "Next door to Alice" :-). At the end, on our way out, we were passing by the D.J.. So, I just yelled to him (again, the speakers were loud and otherwise he wouldn't have heard me): "Thank you for a superb music!". He smiled slightly embarrassed and mumbled something which I did not hear. I assume her felt better when hearing that his work actually impressed someone. Is important, isn't it? It makes people feel better and is not taking a lot of effort.

I was in Denmark, at a shop buying some food, and at the counter, the shop assistant was obvious dead tired. I thought she was not feeling well, so after I took my groceries I asked her if she is OK. She said she was just very tired and that she will be alright. So I left. I just wished I knew how to make her feel a bit better.


Is not hard to just make someone feel good about their work, is it? Why people cannot forget for some time to be selfish and egocentric? Why can't we see the others because of our selfishness? Because "It's their duty and they should not make mistakes!!" applies to us as well, right? But we quickly try to give some excuses to our mistakes or simply we just say "I don't care!".

Why is it so easy to blame others for the things we find it so hard to blame ourselves?

Severing the bonds

Living in a total different country and coming back to what was my world, before knowing the outside world, made me think of bonds. Of course every one of us has bonds: friends, family, acquaintances, teachers, colleagues and so on. But... how easy to break are these bonds?

Teachers and acquaintances are easy to leave behind. We do it very fast and seldom the feeling we have is actually sorrow. About the acquaintances, is that you meet them, enjoy (or not) being in their presence, and then life throws you on different paths, so you might as well never meet them ever again. And there are those teachers/professors that touch our lives in a more vivid way. We will always remember them, be it for them being very good, or very bad, or very smart and so on. There are also the ones we keep in touch with. Those are the best. I mean... Imagine... a professor wants to keep in touch with his/her students! There is a nice feeling about these persons. You have the feeling that you actually made a difference, compared with the other students they will not keep in touch with. Is hard to feel special for someone. Isn't it?

Colleagues... There are those persons who you do not really want to meet outside the workplace/school. You are just not on the same wavelength. There is nothing else to talk about but school or teachers, and when those subjects run out, you are just left with a dumb smile on your face and ask, rather embarrassed, "so... how have you been lately?". I have a friend that was great to talk to at the company, but outside the office was difficult to talk to. Why? Well... I have noticed this: there are two types of persons (this regards only the persons that are able to use the internet): the ones you can talk to on the internet and have a great conversation, while in the real life you do not know how to deal with them; and then there are those with whom is very difficult to talk over the internet, while in real life you have a great chemistry with.

 Yes, social media over the internet can be very useful to keep in touch. But what do you do when the persons you cannot talk to over the internet are close friends or family? The ones that you really really miss and are eager to hear from?

Concerning friends and family... While you are away you will find out who is really your friend and who is just curious/jealous about what you do. In the beginning it feels like severing these bonds is frickin' difficult. You have this sorrowful feeling about leaving, leaving them behind and you might even feel bad about their feeling of sorrow for your departure (though it might not be so bad for them as you might think...). And because you care so deeply about them, you might just end up comparing everything to the way the act/think and so on. And then you get used to being far. And when you come home you are shocked about how everything is. Maybe things changed, but you also changed and in the end you realize that going away, even for a short period of time, means severing some bonds. How badly they are severed depends on how much you and they change.

How easy is to sever such bonds?